A Volley from the Canon, Number 103 Chronic Anxiety part 2

A VOLLEY FROM THE CANON, NUMBER 103

LEADING IN THE CHURCH DURING TIMES OF CHRONIC ANXIETY

PART 2: THE PARADOX OF SERIOUSNESS

Summarized from a presentation made by The Rev. Doug Hester,
The Episcopal Network for Stewardship Conference, Camp Allen, Texas, June 2, 2011

Rowan Atkinson “Healthy people say, ‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ and ‘Whoopee.’ Unhealthy people say,’ Yes, but…’, ‘no, but…’, and ‘No whoopee.’”

Victor Borge, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

The most chronically anxious people are very serious, about everything. Seriousness is a way of thinking imbedded in a chronically anxious society. There are no small matters, at least not the ones causing concern. Consequently, the seriousness can become more of a problem than the issue itself. Lightening up the environment can, of itself, greatly defuse the conflict.

Good leaders have five predictable characteristics: They are happy, funny, loving, cooperative, and creative. (It is pretty easy and unpleasant to imagine the destructiveness of the opposite set of characteristics!) Being happy and funny is not necessarily about telling jokes. Some people use supposed jokes to attack or ridicule others, and then hide behind the ruse that their nastiness was meant in jest. Humor is an attitude rather than a content, and it pervades all areas of activity. It includes playfulness, an attribute that is absent from the chronically anxious.

Humor adds resiliency to a group. It increases their repertoire of possible responses. Perhaps the one who benefits most is the group leader, for whom humor, even her own, reduces her own anxiety levels. After all, being a “non-anxious presence” is a pipe dream for nearly all of us, but Hester is not one to be concerned about that. He is quite satisfied with the leader being proportionally “less anxious” than others in the room. In contrast, the leader then comes across as cool and collected.

A note about “triangling” behaviors: Hester does not recommend removing oneself completely from triangles. That results only in the acting-out persons going to triangle someone else more conducive to their efforts. He suggests trying to remain “connected at the corners” with all parties to the group triangles, while maintaining personal integrity. Thus communications are kept intact, and the possibility of improving relations remains.

Humor’s value for the larger system
• Improves morale
• Puts in resiliency/flexibility
• Loosens the stuckness of the situation
• Puts in the right amount of emotional space
• Broadens the repertoire of choices
• Lowers volatility—disperses the fumes of anxiety
• De-triangles
• Stimulates the immune system
• Promotes personal integration
• Helps in dealing with viruses
• Fosters creativity
• Improves communication

Got a Worship Committee meeting coming up that could turn hostile? Try opening with a showing of “Mr. Bean Goes to Church.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bm9mhX1q4o

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit: the human predicament, and “stupid human tricks”, can be pretty darn funny. We do well to cultivate our sense of humor—and we’d best hope God has a good one, too!

A NOTE: Lest there be misunderstanding, when I refer to leadership in this summary, I mean to include both clergy and lay leadership in a congregation.