A VOLLEY FROM THE CANON, # 80
When Praying Becomes Prying, part 2
I know sincere Christian people who have dropped out of intercessory prayer groups because they discovered that what was really happening there was a long conversation about the personal tragedies of others not present. We mean it only in the kindest, most compassionate way, of course! But there is a reason why those tabloid journals fly off the supermarket check-out racks, and why the evening news focuses on human misery and foolishness; and that reason is not flattering to human nature. People love to share bad news and play the “Ain’t it awful!” game. If we can do it in the guise of Christian charity, all the better.
There is another issue, though, related to intercessory prayer: how much information do I really need to pray for someone? I say, not much, and I believe it to be a spiritual issue. If we need to imagine the actual body part or cancer cells of the actual sick person in order to pray effectively for their healing, what does that say about WHOM we believe to be doing the healing? Aren’t we taking over God’s job? Not only do we not do the healing, we also do not know what kind of healing is most needed by the person for whom we pray. God does.
This carries over to the sacrament of unction, too. Several times, when presenting myself for unction at worship, I’ve been asked by the ministers to report what malady I am requesting prayer for. They may be people I don’t even know, and there may be a crowd of others standing around nearby. So, first, I don’t understand why they need to know in order to pray for a gift of healing. I consider that an invasive request in a public setting. God, after all, already knows my whole list. It would be a shame for people not to present themselves for unction out of fear that they might be challenged in that way. Now, if I go up and say, “I’m starting a new round of chemo-therapy this week, and I’m hoping for good results,” then that is a revelation offered of my own free will, and that’s fine. What I am suggesting is that the intercessors ought not to ask.
But in addition, how can I narrow my prayer request down to one thing? I could answer, “Well, I’m just generally a mess, and I need help and healing,” and that would be more accurate. We all need the hand of Jesus laid upon us for all kinds of troubles, physical, mental, and spiritual. Why tie God’s hands by concentrating only on one thing? I’d sooner have God feel free to fix up whatever needs fixing, even if I’m unaware of it.
Most importantly, we should remember that it is God who does the healing. Jesus encourages us to offer ourselves to be a part of that, through prayer and laying on of hands. How that works is, I suppose, in the category of Holy Mystery. I was moved some years ago by Madeleine L’Engle’s story of learning this truth when her husband Hugh was suffering in his final illness. At some point, she realized she did not know what to pray for: what was the best outcome for her husband? She learned simply to offer him to God in prayer, and let God decide how to respond. If we can keep our minds focused on that reality, we stand a chance of keeping our natural over-inquisitiveness at bay.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A Volley from the Canon, #79, When Praying Becomes Prying, Part One
A Volley from the Canon, #79
WHEN PRAYING BECOMES PRYING, Part One
Most of our congregations have intercessory prayer groups, and all of them have intercessory prayer as part of the Prayers of the People. We rightly put great emphasis on diligence in prayer on behalf of others in need, at home and around the world. Additionally, many of our congregations have also rediscovered the power and pastoral responsiveness of the sacrament of unction, even in “regular” Sunday Eucharists and not just segregated into special “healing” services. Every celebration of Holy Communion ought to be an occasion for healing; and anointing and laying on of hands with prayer for healing certainly has a place there. But there’s a down-side to both of these opportunities for praying, and that is that they also present the temptation to pry into the lives and travails of our fellows.
This is a time when the medical community is required by law to observe strict privacy policies concerning patients’ private health and treatment information, and it’s about time: in the past, I’ve heard health professionals shouting details about people’s medical records and treatments across waiting rooms and pharmacies. We would be wise to adopt the more careful norms voluntarily. Most of the time, people request prayers for a particular purpose, and they are comfortable having their church community know about what they are going through. But we must be careful. The church, and particularly the clergy, ought not to be the source of unauthorized information-sharing about private health information. Let not the intercessory prayer team ever function as the Gossip Hot-line in any Episcopal congregation!
I strongly urge clergy and lay pastoral visitors who attend the sick at home or in hospital to ask this question sometime during their visit: “What would you like me to tell people who ask me about your condition?” Most of the time, the person will reply that it is fine to fill church members in on their illness and treatment—after all, they are usually speaking of it freely themselves. However, they need the opportunity to make that choice. If they respond, “Just say I had a minor illness and am recovering,” we must leave it at that.
I’ve experienced some church members being fairly pushy in asking me about other parishioners’ conditions. Sometimes it is necessary to say, “I really don’t know the details,” (which is generally true even if I know more than I’m saying), or “You need to talk to her (or the family) about that.” I wouldn’t mind at all having a church member complain to the sick person that their priest would not reveal what kind of surgery she had. I would mind terribly having it reported that I, or a lay pastoral visitor, gave out the whole story at Bible Study!
(to be continued)
WHEN PRAYING BECOMES PRYING, Part One
Most of our congregations have intercessory prayer groups, and all of them have intercessory prayer as part of the Prayers of the People. We rightly put great emphasis on diligence in prayer on behalf of others in need, at home and around the world. Additionally, many of our congregations have also rediscovered the power and pastoral responsiveness of the sacrament of unction, even in “regular” Sunday Eucharists and not just segregated into special “healing” services. Every celebration of Holy Communion ought to be an occasion for healing; and anointing and laying on of hands with prayer for healing certainly has a place there. But there’s a down-side to both of these opportunities for praying, and that is that they also present the temptation to pry into the lives and travails of our fellows.
This is a time when the medical community is required by law to observe strict privacy policies concerning patients’ private health and treatment information, and it’s about time: in the past, I’ve heard health professionals shouting details about people’s medical records and treatments across waiting rooms and pharmacies. We would be wise to adopt the more careful norms voluntarily. Most of the time, people request prayers for a particular purpose, and they are comfortable having their church community know about what they are going through. But we must be careful. The church, and particularly the clergy, ought not to be the source of unauthorized information-sharing about private health information. Let not the intercessory prayer team ever function as the Gossip Hot-line in any Episcopal congregation!
I strongly urge clergy and lay pastoral visitors who attend the sick at home or in hospital to ask this question sometime during their visit: “What would you like me to tell people who ask me about your condition?” Most of the time, the person will reply that it is fine to fill church members in on their illness and treatment—after all, they are usually speaking of it freely themselves. However, they need the opportunity to make that choice. If they respond, “Just say I had a minor illness and am recovering,” we must leave it at that.
I’ve experienced some church members being fairly pushy in asking me about other parishioners’ conditions. Sometimes it is necessary to say, “I really don’t know the details,” (which is generally true even if I know more than I’m saying), or “You need to talk to her (or the family) about that.” I wouldn’t mind at all having a church member complain to the sick person that their priest would not reveal what kind of surgery she had. I would mind terribly having it reported that I, or a lay pastoral visitor, gave out the whole story at Bible Study!
(to be continued)
A Volley from the Canon, #79, When Praying Becomes Prying, Part One
A Volley from the Canon, #79
WHEN PRAYING BECOMES PRYING, Part One
Most of our congregations have intercessory prayer groups, and all of them have intercessory prayer as part of the Prayers of the People. We rightly put great emphasis on diligence in prayer on behalf of others in need, at home and around the world. Additionally, many of our congregations have also rediscovered the power and pastoral responsiveness of the sacrament of unction, even in “regular” Sunday Eucharists and not just segregated into special “healing” services. Every celebration of Holy Communion ought to be an occasion for healing; and anointing and laying on of hands with prayer for healing certainly has a place there. But there’s a down-side to both of these opportunities for praying, and that is that they also present the temptation to pry into the lives and travails of our fellows.
This is a time when the medical community is required by law to observe strict privacy policies concerning patients’ private health and treatment information, and it’s about time: in the past, I’ve heard health professionals shouting details about people’s medical records and treatments across waiting rooms and pharmacies. We would be wise to adopt the more careful norms voluntarily. Most of the time, people request prayers for a particular purpose, and they are comfortable having their church community know about what they are going through. But we must be careful. The church, and particularly the clergy, ought not to be the source of unauthorized information-sharing about private health information. Let not the intercessory prayer team ever function as the Gossip Hot-line in any Episcopal congregation!
I strongly urge clergy and lay pastoral visitors who attend the sick at home or in hospital to ask this question sometime during their visit: “What would you like me to tell people who ask me about your condition?” Most of the time, the person will reply that it is fine to fill church members in on their illness and treatment—after all, they are usually speaking of it freely themselves. However, they need the opportunity to make that choice. If they respond, “Just say I had a minor illness and am recovering,” we must leave it at that.
I’ve experienced some church members being fairly pushy in asking me about other parishioners’ conditions. Sometimes it is necessary to say, “I really don’t know the details,” (which is generally true even if I know more than I’m saying), or “You need to talk to her (or the family) about that.” I wouldn’t mind at all having a church member complain to the sick person that their priest would not reveal what kind of surgery she had. I would mind terribly having it reported that I, or a lay pastoral visitor, gave out the whole story at Bible Study!
(to be continued)
WHEN PRAYING BECOMES PRYING, Part One
Most of our congregations have intercessory prayer groups, and all of them have intercessory prayer as part of the Prayers of the People. We rightly put great emphasis on diligence in prayer on behalf of others in need, at home and around the world. Additionally, many of our congregations have also rediscovered the power and pastoral responsiveness of the sacrament of unction, even in “regular” Sunday Eucharists and not just segregated into special “healing” services. Every celebration of Holy Communion ought to be an occasion for healing; and anointing and laying on of hands with prayer for healing certainly has a place there. But there’s a down-side to both of these opportunities for praying, and that is that they also present the temptation to pry into the lives and travails of our fellows.
This is a time when the medical community is required by law to observe strict privacy policies concerning patients’ private health and treatment information, and it’s about time: in the past, I’ve heard health professionals shouting details about people’s medical records and treatments across waiting rooms and pharmacies. We would be wise to adopt the more careful norms voluntarily. Most of the time, people request prayers for a particular purpose, and they are comfortable having their church community know about what they are going through. But we must be careful. The church, and particularly the clergy, ought not to be the source of unauthorized information-sharing about private health information. Let not the intercessory prayer team ever function as the Gossip Hot-line in any Episcopal congregation!
I strongly urge clergy and lay pastoral visitors who attend the sick at home or in hospital to ask this question sometime during their visit: “What would you like me to tell people who ask me about your condition?” Most of the time, the person will reply that it is fine to fill church members in on their illness and treatment—after all, they are usually speaking of it freely themselves. However, they need the opportunity to make that choice. If they respond, “Just say I had a minor illness and am recovering,” we must leave it at that.
I’ve experienced some church members being fairly pushy in asking me about other parishioners’ conditions. Sometimes it is necessary to say, “I really don’t know the details,” (which is generally true even if I know more than I’m saying), or “You need to talk to her (or the family) about that.” I wouldn’t mind at all having a church member complain to the sick person that their priest would not reveal what kind of surgery she had. I would mind terribly having it reported that I, or a lay pastoral visitor, gave out the whole story at Bible Study!
(to be continued)
A Volley from the Canon, #78, Pray without Ceasing
PRAYER WITHOUT CEASING
THE BREATH PRAYER
Years ago, my friend Ron DelBene of the Diocese of Alabama used to advocate what he called “Breath Prayer.” He did not mean prayer related to one’s breathing, as in some eastern disciplines. He meant prayer that is as natural and constant as breathing.
This is far from a new idea. The most common example would be the “Jesus Prayer,” which, with many variations, goes, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” That works for a great many Christian people. But Ron asked, what if that is not your own prayer, at least at this time in your life? What would be your own, personal “breath prayer,” the one that expresses, economically and directly, your own heart’s desire?
He suggested, in prayer, to formulate one. Start with addressing to whom you are praying: “Lord,” or “Dear Jesus,” or whatever is the most appropriate form of address for you in your relationship with The Divine. Then, guided by the Spirit, express what matters most to you, that involves your own spiritual life, at the present time. Keep it short and to the point, because you’ll be repeating it.
That’s your “Breath Prayer.” Repeat as needed—meaning as often as possible, while driving, applying make-up, showering, jogging, standing in the supermarket line, and so on. Try variants such as placing emphasis on different words in series, and note how the meaning cycles.
Your Breath Prayer may last you for years, or you may wear it out. You’ll know, if that happens. But for the time of its usefulness, having and using a Breath Prayer can be a wonderful and meaningful way to practice “praying without ceasing.”
A blessed and holy Lent to all.
THE BREATH PRAYER
Years ago, my friend Ron DelBene of the Diocese of Alabama used to advocate what he called “Breath Prayer.” He did not mean prayer related to one’s breathing, as in some eastern disciplines. He meant prayer that is as natural and constant as breathing.
This is far from a new idea. The most common example would be the “Jesus Prayer,” which, with many variations, goes, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” That works for a great many Christian people. But Ron asked, what if that is not your own prayer, at least at this time in your life? What would be your own, personal “breath prayer,” the one that expresses, economically and directly, your own heart’s desire?
He suggested, in prayer, to formulate one. Start with addressing to whom you are praying: “Lord,” or “Dear Jesus,” or whatever is the most appropriate form of address for you in your relationship with The Divine. Then, guided by the Spirit, express what matters most to you, that involves your own spiritual life, at the present time. Keep it short and to the point, because you’ll be repeating it.
That’s your “Breath Prayer.” Repeat as needed—meaning as often as possible, while driving, applying make-up, showering, jogging, standing in the supermarket line, and so on. Try variants such as placing emphasis on different words in series, and note how the meaning cycles.
Your Breath Prayer may last you for years, or you may wear it out. You’ll know, if that happens. But for the time of its usefulness, having and using a Breath Prayer can be a wonderful and meaningful way to practice “praying without ceasing.”
A blessed and holy Lent to all.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A Volley from the Canon, #77 The Conflict Paradox
A VOLLEY FROM THE CANON, NUMBER 77
THE CONFLICT PARADOX
People in the church have a phobia about conflict. Jesus prayed, and taught us to pray, that we might be of one mind and one spirit. (He must have had some strong hints of how much conflict we would experience, and how much we would suffer for it over the centuries.) Nevertheless, we’ve never been without conflict and, until he comes again, I suspect we never will be.
But we think we aren’t supposed to. “Aren’t Christians supposed to love one another?” people ask. “Aren’t we supposed to work together, and live in harmony?” Sure. And the harmony will begin with everyone coming into agreement and conformity with ME, right?
We have peculiar and unrealistic ideas about conflict.
Some congregations believe they have no conflict. I know of a few who really don’t—because they have already run off everybody who would dare present any idea contrary to that of the ruling junta. The rest have plenty, but they aren’t admitting it or even acknowledging it, because after all, conflict is bad.
Most people believe that if they acknowledge that there is a conflict and attempt to address it, that will cause people to leave the congregation. Therefore, they put up with a state of chronic tension in hopes of avoiding an outright explosion. Meanwhile, the level of anger grows, until finally, when it blows, it really will be an unpleasant sight to see.
The reality is that constant tension is much more draining than actually facing up to differences of opinion while they are still relatively small. Who wants to worship in a community that is eating itself up over conflict, and fear of dealing with it? No one is comfortable walking on eggshells all the time. So the healthier people will leave and go to church elsewhere. This is why congregations lose so many members: NOT dealing with conflict is what causes member losses!
It is ironic, but true: those congregations that realize when they have internal conflicts and deal with them in a deliberate and constructive manner are the ones that set themselves up for growth, health, and unity of spirit. They also are the ones that have the opportunity to learn from a wealth of points of view, with myriad creative ideas and insights cropping up all the time. Additionally, those congregations that have conflict but deal with it come out stronger than before, not weaker.
(A unit on conflict and dealing with it would be an excellent suggestion for many of our vestries and congregations.)
THE CONFLICT PARADOX
People in the church have a phobia about conflict. Jesus prayed, and taught us to pray, that we might be of one mind and one spirit. (He must have had some strong hints of how much conflict we would experience, and how much we would suffer for it over the centuries.) Nevertheless, we’ve never been without conflict and, until he comes again, I suspect we never will be.
But we think we aren’t supposed to. “Aren’t Christians supposed to love one another?” people ask. “Aren’t we supposed to work together, and live in harmony?” Sure. And the harmony will begin with everyone coming into agreement and conformity with ME, right?
We have peculiar and unrealistic ideas about conflict.
Some congregations believe they have no conflict. I know of a few who really don’t—because they have already run off everybody who would dare present any idea contrary to that of the ruling junta. The rest have plenty, but they aren’t admitting it or even acknowledging it, because after all, conflict is bad.
Most people believe that if they acknowledge that there is a conflict and attempt to address it, that will cause people to leave the congregation. Therefore, they put up with a state of chronic tension in hopes of avoiding an outright explosion. Meanwhile, the level of anger grows, until finally, when it blows, it really will be an unpleasant sight to see.
The reality is that constant tension is much more draining than actually facing up to differences of opinion while they are still relatively small. Who wants to worship in a community that is eating itself up over conflict, and fear of dealing with it? No one is comfortable walking on eggshells all the time. So the healthier people will leave and go to church elsewhere. This is why congregations lose so many members: NOT dealing with conflict is what causes member losses!
It is ironic, but true: those congregations that realize when they have internal conflicts and deal with them in a deliberate and constructive manner are the ones that set themselves up for growth, health, and unity of spirit. They also are the ones that have the opportunity to learn from a wealth of points of view, with myriad creative ideas and insights cropping up all the time. Additionally, those congregations that have conflict but deal with it come out stronger than before, not weaker.
(A unit on conflict and dealing with it would be an excellent suggestion for many of our vestries and congregations.)
A Volley from the Canon, #78, Pray without Ceasing
PRAYER WITHOUT CEASING
THE BREATH PRAYER
Years ago, my friend Ron DelBene of the Diocese of Alabama used to advocate what he called “Breath Prayer.” He did not mean prayer related to one’s breathing, as in some eastern disciplines. He meant prayer that is as natural and constant as breathing.
This is far from a new idea. The most common example would be the “Jesus Prayer,” which, with many variations, goes, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” That works for a great many Christian people. But Ron asked, what if that is not your own prayer, at least at this time in your life? What would be your own, personal “breath prayer,” the one that expresses, economically and directly, your own heart’s desire?
He suggested, in prayer, to formulate one. Start with addressing to whom you are praying: “Lord,” or “Dear Jesus,” or whatever is the most appropriate form of address for you in your relationship with The Divine. Then, guided by the Spirit, express what matters most to you, that involves your own spiritual life, at the present time. Keep it short and to the point, because you’ll be repeating it.
That’s your “Breath Prayer.” Repeat as needed—meaning as often as possible, while driving, applying make-up, showering, jogging, standing in the supermarket line, and so on. Try variants such as placing emphasis on different words in series, and note how the meaning cycles.
Your Breath Prayer may last you for years, or you may wear it out. You’ll know, if that happens. But for the time of its usefulness, having and using a Breath Prayer can be a wonderful and meaningful way to practice “praying without ceasing.”
A blessed and holy Lent to all.
THE BREATH PRAYER
Years ago, my friend Ron DelBene of the Diocese of Alabama used to advocate what he called “Breath Prayer.” He did not mean prayer related to one’s breathing, as in some eastern disciplines. He meant prayer that is as natural and constant as breathing.
This is far from a new idea. The most common example would be the “Jesus Prayer,” which, with many variations, goes, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” That works for a great many Christian people. But Ron asked, what if that is not your own prayer, at least at this time in your life? What would be your own, personal “breath prayer,” the one that expresses, economically and directly, your own heart’s desire?
He suggested, in prayer, to formulate one. Start with addressing to whom you are praying: “Lord,” or “Dear Jesus,” or whatever is the most appropriate form of address for you in your relationship with The Divine. Then, guided by the Spirit, express what matters most to you, that involves your own spiritual life, at the present time. Keep it short and to the point, because you’ll be repeating it.
That’s your “Breath Prayer.” Repeat as needed—meaning as often as possible, while driving, applying make-up, showering, jogging, standing in the supermarket line, and so on. Try variants such as placing emphasis on different words in series, and note how the meaning cycles.
Your Breath Prayer may last you for years, or you may wear it out. You’ll know, if that happens. But for the time of its usefulness, having and using a Breath Prayer can be a wonderful and meaningful way to practice “praying without ceasing.”
A blessed and holy Lent to all.
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